Today feels a long way from any goal I may aspire to. It started off really well. Had a truly great time with one of wonderful nieces who is moving. I got a lovely text from a dear friend. I went to the physiologist for a workout and was stoked to report I’d done a workout the day before. I got great feedback for my efforts and was feeling pumped.
Then on the way back home a negative thought weighed down into my mind, then another, and other, quickly clouding out the sun. The same boring, fearsome thoughts: you stuffed up your own life you have no idea what you are doing, how can you provide a good example for Gracie?, she is better off without you. The pit was staring at me, quite unexpectedly.
But then a flash of realisation dawned on me. I’d missed three morning doses recently. Just the thought that missing medication had made me feel destabilised gave the thoughts less potency. Yeah, sure, I’m still still struggling, but I acknowledge now that I am still checking in for another day, and I’m still determined to move to the music in my head to create my life.
I don’t have to hate myself. I don’t have to hate anyone. Namaste.