So many times I’ve read about the perpetual search to find a soulmate because we believe we are incomplete without that “perfect” other.

I’ve decided that someone deliciously and imperfectly made just for me doesn’t exist. I’ve had relationships and I don’t want another.

Sex is a must – and let’s face it – you don’t need to be part of a monogamous official relationship for that! In 2017 I don’t think it’s beyond all contemplation to recognise that single women do, and should, have fun, despite being mothers, despite having a mental illness.

I refuse to bemoan the fact a significant other hasn’t shown up in my life. Rather I stand now at this point in time loving being single and here are six reasons why:

1) I refuse to be part of the online meat market of dating sites. My income, mental health, employment, and physical attractiveness all infer status and desirability based on problematic social realities.

2) I love my special times with my daughter that are not filtered through a mate vying for attention and affection.

3) No one criticises my parenting or household management (but Mum)

4) No battles over the doona and bed-space, just enjoying reading in bed cuddled up to Blackie … oh, did I just say there were no arguments over bed space? Maybe I overstated the case. But Blackie’s worth it.

5) I love deciding my life without discussion or compromise. Years ago I reduced my weight successfully but a Mr Right turned up and said ‘I don’t eat rabbit food’. I subsequently put on weight (ok it may have been medication changes – but where was the support?)

6) Sure I miss a bloke at times. But my previous experience suggests I will experience a short honeymoon phase followed by lack of sharing household chores, lack of care, lack of conversation and lack of intimacy.

Hugh Mackay, an Australian social commentator, said in a Valentine’s Day of Insight this year, that the growth of single households is about selfishness. This is ludicrous. Divorce increased with the no fault divorce in the 1960s. Women were very often trapped in abusive relationships and had no way out and had no financial independence.

Now, fortunately, we have a choice. Being a full time mum is not selfish. We are family. Let’s make use of our choices given by our foremothers. Marriage or a forever union is now a choice, not a socially constructed inevitably.

Please don’t think I hate men and couples. I have friends with both species. 😃 But I am not going to feel less for my life. This is my journey and I’m proud of it.

Advertisements