Mum has written another post, this time exploring her understanding of being a carer:
When I’ve been asked if I am Sarah’s main carer by various health professionals, I am surprised and confused.
‘I’m her mum,’ I think to myself.
To me, being her carer denotes an unequal relationship: I am the carer, Sarah is cared for. This is definitely not the case.
When Sarah rang from interstate in her first psychotic state and my first encounter with psychosis, I immediately organised a flight to be with her as soon as possible.
She was admitted to hospital and on her discharge organised and carried out the return home. This included collecting personal items from work, arranging a removalist, collecting boxes and packing. I was merely her assistant. Sarah drove home, with me as passenger, over a couple of days. So you can see she is a very independent woman, even in those circumstances.
I do care for Sarah but definitely not in the way the oversimplistic bureaucratic term suggests.
I care about Sarah’s mental and emotional health and for the most part I feel I support her very well. Though we love one another very much, we don’t always see eye to eye. I can’t always live up to the responsibility of a carer, to always remain positive and supportive. It’s simply too hard for me to play carer every day of my life. Of course this tends to make me feel guilty and I have to reason with myself that nobody is perfect, even though carers are supposed to be. Life is more complicated and so are relationships.
Sarah is intelligent and also cares for me at times. She supports me as I walk and helps around my house with chores. Most of all she has given me a very precious gift, my little Gracie, who like my other grandchildren, is a perfect delight.
I think my mum is my carer in the sense that she is my emotional rock. Mum’s also great at helping me with Gracie probably taking on more than most grandparents during my ‘bad days’ and also because I am single mum and have no other help.
I’m so grateful for such a helpful mum and I don’t know where I’d be without her.
“Carer” can be such a loaded term, feeling as though people think you ‘need a carer’ seems very different to say, relying on a ‘support network’ or ‘support person’, it steals your independence somehow . I suppose the cyclical nature of bipolar means that we do require ‘care’ at times but also strive to retain as much independence as possible while we are well. I am so glad you guys can be there to help prop each other up during the hard times. xx
LikeLiked by 2 people
Mum’s response: You’re spot on, Kate. Support is a much more appropriate term. As you say we support each other.
LikeLike
Thanks for your comment. And it is great to be able to rely on mum’s support!
LikeLike
This is a wonderful post. You two ladies should take a bow for this post. xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
We’d both like thank you for your kind response! Xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think it’s so good you talk about your lives openly from both sides of the fence. That is often not easy but you both do it so well, and this sharing of experiences can only help people xxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m glad mum wrote again and I’ve suggested other issues she could look at in future posts. I hope your reply gives her extra incentive!
LikeLiked by 1 person
She wrote very well and very concisely and shared things that are important x
LikeLiked by 1 person
bravo to your mum. she said she is always positive and supportive. do let her how important i see those coming from someone with a mental disorder.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My mum is very supportive and I am fortunate to have her. Having a mental illness is hellish. Having mum’s support is invaluable. Thanks for your comment.
LikeLiked by 1 person
you are!
my mom was depressed once…she got over it.
thanks, mom!
LikeLike
Not supportive. I’m very lucky. Mental illness is generally so misunderstood. I hope you have support from others. Xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I appreciate a lot for your precious time in writing this post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thank you a lot for your precious time in writing this post.
LikeLiked by 1 person