I know they say you don’t exist and I haven’t seen you. But I can smell you like cold burnt toast and every time you speak, you take chunks of my skin like carrion exposing my flesh and bones.

JUST PISS OFF! I want what’s left of me! I want my mind silent. I want my breath easy.

Why do you hound me? All these years?!

….All these years…

I knew you in the school yard when you circled with the others. But you stayed. At times your cold hands play tenderly on my skin and I dream of drowning in your breath.

Quiet at last. No more trying to hear above your screaming like trying to tune into a distant radio signal.

You’ll even hold my hand as I enter the water under a cloudy moon.

But I don’t want this! I want my freedom! That trifecta of tablets lets me down. The walls are treacle. I’m walking in treacle. You’re shrieking again, you want me between life and death.

I choose life as I have so often. But you pull me down.

Let me go. Please, let me go!


Oh, my child… please hear my words. Oh, if I could lift you up and bandage a cut knee. But for a haemorrhaging soul, I’m at a loss.

If only I could die a thousand deaths to stop your pain of years.

A mother’s love seems useless.

If only I could rip away those ghosts and shades! If only I could reign mighty and they quake and run!

My darling, if only you could feel my love.

Because I love you so much.